Mommy Guilt and Other Weeds That Grow in My Happiness Garden

What happens when people continue to dip water out of a bucket without refilling it?  That’s right! The bucket will be empty.  And, what needs to happen for the bucket to be useful for dipping again? You guessed it! It needs to be refilled.  Last question, what should the bucket do if there is a line of dippers waiting and no one to refill it? Any suggestions? I’m that bucket and I feel like hiding, but what good will that do?  People and my book are tugging at me from all directions and my energy reserves are quite low. Dare I say, depleted? 

Illustration by Amanda Gia 2014

Then there is the flip side of people depending on me.  I had begun to depend on someone else, but ended up on the ground.  I’m reminded of Matthew 10:22 that states, "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.” Sometimes standing firm is very uncomfortable and once again my energy gets zapped.  It’s similar to a charge and block in basketball. Sometimes when you stand firm, the ref will call charging on your opponent. Other times, depending on the ref and the day, you’ll get the call on you for blocking. But, I know that the firmer you stand the more likely the call will be on your opponent, so I say all of that to say, either way, you end up on the ground! (I’m chuckling.)

Then there is the mommy guilt that permeates my daily life. I have a calendar book and my virtual calendar. Even with both of these lists, I make mistakes. Can mommies make mistakes? I don’t think we can without coming under scrutiny of not being perfect. On top of that, Mommies carry the weight of their children’s shortcomings upon their already loaded down shoulders.  So as you can tell, I’ve had about enough of everything. And, as I write this post I just received a call requesting yet more from my bucket. What to do?

My plan is to plan. I’m going to plan a vacation for me, myself, and I. I’m going to drive to the beach one afternoon with only my beach chair, a book, my headphones, and my IPhone.  I’m going to sit and get refilled by the Universe. I’m going to let the light of the sun energize and recharge me. But, most of all I’m going to allow the beauty of God’s creation to overtake me in a way that my cup will run over with goodness and mercy and all the energy I’ll need to carry out another few weeks (probably days). So, the plan is to look forward to a time of respite. Of course, I could edit my book while I’m sitting out there, but I’d rather not…I think?