Word Clouds: Psalm 100 NIV

"What Are You Going To Do With Those?!" *Collard Greens Edition*

I find it intriguing when I'm checking out at the grocery store and the cashier asks questions about my purchases.  I've had cashiers who held up their line to read the package while inquiring about calories or ingredients. I've had people wrinkle up their faces at my choice of vegetable or meat. But, it seems to me that every time I purchase collard greens, I get the same question: "Whatcha gonna do with those?"

I was born and raised in Virginia. I thought it was common knowledge what to do with "greens."  Getting questioned about how to prepare collards made me think that there may have been a generational lapse in cooking instruction being that I am in my 30s (even though I've known what to do with greens since I was little), but I even have had older cashiers ask the same question. Some have gone on to say that they've "always wondered what people did with 'em."  Why do they choose me as the person to ask?  Maybe it's because I absolutely LOVE shopping at Kroger and when I'm checking out, I'm jovial in anticipation of how much my bill will go down once my card is swiped.  The thrill is like no other, but I digress....Let's cook!

I have decided to share my recipe for my Not-So-Southern Collard Greens. Truly southern collards or any greens for that matter include some form of pork (i.e. ham hock, fat back) for seasoning. Others, like my mom, opt for a healthier, yet still high in sodium and added fat option smoked turkey wing.  I'm the party-pooper who desires to stay as far away from high blood pressure as possible, so I don't use any meat for flavoring and my greens are a hit!

You will need:
3 bundles (about 3 lbs) of fresh collard greens (They are 99 cents per lb right now at Kroger. Check here!)
2 cups water
3 Tbsp Smart Balance Original Buttery Spread (or Smart Balance Buttery Spread with EVOO)
1 Tbsp Lawry's Season Salt (25% Less Sodium if you'd like to cut back)
1 Tbsp Granulated Splenda
2 Tsp cracked pepper (or freshly ground)
2 Tsp iodinized salt (or Sea Salt or Kosher Salt)
2 Tsp red pepper flakes

Cleaning your greens are essential. There is nothing worse that gritty greens! So fill up your sink half way with cool water and sprinkle a little (a couple of table spoons) salt. This saline solution will help remove any of the leftover grit/sand/dirt left on the greens. If you get your greens from a farmer's market, you will need to wash your greens 2-3 times changing sinks and water each time.  Kroger, with their thundering sound effects, wash their produce several times an hour so the greens are pretty clean when you get home. Once you have our greens in the sink, fill the sink to the top of the greens with more water rinsing the individual leaves as you divide the bundles.  Next, you'll need to cut the main stem out of the leaf.

Place your largest pot on the stove on high heat. Add all of your ingredients except the greens and bring to a ferocious boil. Lower to medium heat and add greens as you finish cutting them into squares.  Fold the de-stemmed leaf in half and then fold again two more times. Cut the folded leaf to make collard squares and then toss them into the hot pot. They do not need to be perfect squares!  Cover your greens once you have added all of them to the pot. After about 5 minutes, stir and gauge the amount of water you have in your pot. If you can see the water, there is too much!  Too much water will wash the wonderful taste out of your greens. You should have about 2 inches of water in your pot. Stir and monitor water every 15 minutes until done.

I cook my greens for about an hour. I still like my greens to have texture or as I call it "a little chew" to them. If you'd like to ramp up the cooking time, you can cook on high heat, but make sure you're watching your water level and keeping the cover on the pot.

My lunch today! Notice the steam fogging up the camera lens.

So keep this recipe handy since the holidays are rapidly approaching. You'll be able to impress your friends and family this Thanksgiving with your awesome greens! I may just print this recipe out and hand it to a cashier the next time he or she asks "what are you going to do with those?"

She’s Such a Flirt!

She lavishes you with all of her time. She takes you places you don’t usually get to go. She lets you sleep in and stay up late. She shines her bright sun on you then in an instant you are immediately transitioned back to the fluorescent lights of an office or cube. She teases you! She gives you everything you desire, but snatches it all away in a moment’s notice. Dear Miss Vacation, why are you so wonderful and so cruel at the same time?

I have been away from my office for 10 days! While I feel refreshed, I also feel a little let down. I hadn’t had to rush anywhere during my vacation. The only traffic I had to endure was while traveling, but my destination made all the toil worth it. This morning, on the other hand, I was stuck in traffic on my way to work along with everyone else. I looked over at stern, disappointed faces and recalled looking at the other travelers during my vacation traffic jams. Despite the obvious agitation of some of the drivers, the cars were full of jovial faces chatting it up, playing video games, and munching on snacks.  They were planning what they were going to do when they got to their destination or swapping stories about all they had just experienced during their trip.  But, this morning was quite different. Each car had a single driver. There was no one to swap stories with and no one to ask if they had beaten their high score. There were no chips or pretzels to munch as we sat bumper to bumper trying to get up the hill.  That’s when I realized that she had played a joke on me. She had let me taste the joys of freedom just to through me back into captivity.

I miss my son who was sick of me taking pics. I miss sleeping in. I miss my immaculate home that I had a chance to clean and actually enjoy. I miss going to the pool on a whim.  I miss being able to just let my hair go.   I miss trying new restaurants.  I miss souvenir shopping. I miss actually walking around and doing things instead of sitting at a desk.  I miss reading a book with a cup of coffee in the morning. I actually miss folding clothes while watching a good movie.  I miss complimentary continental breakfast.  Sigh.

Well, I guess I can just plan another awesome vacation very soon. Despite her cruelty, she’s absolutely wonderful when she’s around. What do you have planned? Make it big because she will leave you high and dry.   You want plenty of pictures and stories to tell when she kicks you out!