"What Are You Going To Do With Those?!" *Collard Greens Edition*

I find it intriguing when I'm checking out at the grocery store and the cashier asks questions about my purchases.  I've had cashiers who held up their line to read the package while inquiring about calories or ingredients. I've had people wrinkle up their faces at my choice of vegetable or meat. But, it seems to me that every time I purchase collard greens, I get the same question: "Whatcha gonna do with those?"

I was born and raised in Virginia. I thought it was common knowledge what to do with "greens."  Getting questioned about how to prepare collards made me think that there may have been a generational lapse in cooking instruction being that I am in my 30s (even though I've known what to do with greens since I was little), but I even have had older cashiers ask the same question. Some have gone on to say that they've "always wondered what people did with 'em."  Why do they choose me as the person to ask?  Maybe it's because I absolutely LOVE shopping at Kroger and when I'm checking out, I'm jovial in anticipation of how much my bill will go down once my card is swiped.  The thrill is like no other, but I digress....Let's cook!

I have decided to share my recipe for my Not-So-Southern Collard Greens. Truly southern collards or any greens for that matter include some form of pork (i.e. ham hock, fat back) for seasoning. Others, like my mom, opt for a healthier, yet still high in sodium and added fat option smoked turkey wing.  I'm the party-pooper who desires to stay as far away from high blood pressure as possible, so I don't use any meat for flavoring and my greens are a hit!

You will need:
3 bundles (about 3 lbs) of fresh collard greens (They are 99 cents per lb right now at Kroger. Check here!)
2 cups water
3 Tbsp Smart Balance Original Buttery Spread (or Smart Balance Buttery Spread with EVOO)
1 Tbsp Lawry's Season Salt (25% Less Sodium if you'd like to cut back)
1 Tbsp Granulated Splenda
2 Tsp cracked pepper (or freshly ground)
2 Tsp iodinized salt (or Sea Salt or Kosher Salt)
2 Tsp red pepper flakes

Cleaning your greens are essential. There is nothing worse that gritty greens! So fill up your sink half way with cool water and sprinkle a little (a couple of table spoons) salt. This saline solution will help remove any of the leftover grit/sand/dirt left on the greens. If you get your greens from a farmer's market, you will need to wash your greens 2-3 times changing sinks and water each time.  Kroger, with their thundering sound effects, wash their produce several times an hour so the greens are pretty clean when you get home. Once you have our greens in the sink, fill the sink to the top of the greens with more water rinsing the individual leaves as you divide the bundles.  Next, you'll need to cut the main stem out of the leaf.

Place your largest pot on the stove on high heat. Add all of your ingredients except the greens and bring to a ferocious boil. Lower to medium heat and add greens as you finish cutting them into squares.  Fold the de-stemmed leaf in half and then fold again two more times. Cut the folded leaf to make collard squares and then toss them into the hot pot. They do not need to be perfect squares!  Cover your greens once you have added all of them to the pot. After about 5 minutes, stir and gauge the amount of water you have in your pot. If you can see the water, there is too much!  Too much water will wash the wonderful taste out of your greens. You should have about 2 inches of water in your pot. Stir and monitor water every 15 minutes until done.

I cook my greens for about an hour. I still like my greens to have texture or as I call it "a little chew" to them. If you'd like to ramp up the cooking time, you can cook on high heat, but make sure you're watching your water level and keeping the cover on the pot.

My lunch today! Notice the steam fogging up the camera lens.

So keep this recipe handy since the holidays are rapidly approaching. You'll be able to impress your friends and family this Thanksgiving with your awesome greens! I may just print this recipe out and hand it to a cashier the next time he or she asks "what are you going to do with those?"