Turn a Summer Fling into a Lasting Thing!

                          

Like I've written before, it is amazingly easy to meet new people in the summer. Everyone is traveling, and you can strike up conversation with complete strangers on a plane or in an out-of-town restaurant. Furthermore, there is a carefree attitude that summer seems to bring. We let our inhibitions go and get lost in the euphoria that the sun evokes.  For some, this carefree attitude can be a blessing that turns into a curse once all the "summer madness" is over. Have you ever wondered why a "summer fling" doesn't usually last? It may seem obvious...it's a fling! But, there is a deeper culprit at work. Because of the lowering of inhibitions, there are also lowered expectations, standards, and meaningful conversation that will lead to a solid relationship. If you'd like to turn your summer fling into a lasting thing...read on!

First things first: MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS KNOWN..subtly but clearly. If you want more than a few months (or hours) of interaction, you'll need to be clear that your standards haven't flown out of the window just because the temps are up and your windows are down. Approach meeting new suitors the same way you would when you're bundled up in frigid temps. Your will have more suitors because there is more skin to hypnotize them, but you'll just have to get over the thrill of heightened exposure (pun intended) and proceed with the same tact, poise, and COMMON SENSE you usually employ. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should lead in with "so when are we getting married?" I'm thinking more along the lines of once you get to know a person and feel that you want it to last beyond the summer, through in some "fall talk." While listening to a band you both like on a date..."Hey, there is this awesome festival in OCTOBER where this band and several others like them perform. Have you been? Do you think you'd like to check it out?"  If he says, "WE should check it out TOGETHER! Sounds like fun,"  you are all set for something more than a fling. However, if he says, "Huh? I couldn't hear you" or "I don't even know where I'll be in next week let alone October," he's trying to make summer memories and that's about it! RUN! 

What if the thought of being tied down during the summer makes you cringe?  Or makes your love interest cringe? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that apprehension. Date and enjoy! Just remember your love interest is dating and enjoying as well. If you want it last beyond the summer, you'll need to set yourself apart from the others and your love interest will have to do the same for you. Remain true to yourself and your character.  You will definitely shine through. Don't compete with the others by trying to be more sexy or sexual thinking that'll keep your love interest interested for the long haul. If he's meant to be yours beyond the summer, he'll be with real you!

Make your goal this summer and every season to live a full and robust life. Connections come to those who are perfectly content in their current state. You don't want to alter a happy state with a drop in romance when it could be the love of your life!

Relationship Reality Bites: 5 Sure Ways to Get Noticed

Do you feel like you get lost in the crowd? Don't worry...you are not alone.  Very often people are in crowded places and can't seem to demand any attention while others walk in and all heads turn.  We are going to fix your dilemma once and for all.  

The most important part of getting noticed is not worrying if anyone notices you. Desiring attention is like a red flag waving over your head because your confidence level is tanking and it's showing all over your face.  Genuine confidence is the key to attracting positive attention, meeting new people, and striking up conversations with strangers.  I've read books and articles that say that you should take a conversation starter with you wherever you go.  I will do you one better, if you take confidence with you wherever you go, that is a definite conversation starter. Once your confidence is at least half way to wear it needs to be, consider the following tips.

1. Move to the south or to a small town - If you live in a big northern or west coast city nine chances out of ten you will not be noticed. In southern and smaller towns, people speak to each other and are more willing to strike up conversation.  Test it out the next time you are on vacation in a southern town. If you give a little eye contact, you will receive a hearty "good morning" from a passerby.


2. Do not fear rejection - If someone doesn't speak back, who cares...you may never see them again anyway.  Dust off your pride and try again.


3. Wear a bright colored jacket, statement necklace, hat or scarf -I know I was just telling you to not worry about "conversation starters," but wearing bright colors is not about starting conversation. It is about standing out in a crowd of black, navy, and brown.  Bright colors often read as confidence when yours may be only half full.


4. Don't use volume to attract attention, use insightfulness - Have you even been a crowded room and someone is talking so loud that you can hear their entire conversation from across the room. Or, that person who's laugh is way louder than the punchline warranted is in your group. Negative attention is very easy to get. Positive attention comes from being poignant when given the opportunity to speak. Being well read and up on current events will draw people to you with a desire to learn more.


5. Use nonverbal communication like moving your hands and non-sensual touch - There is no need to be a flailing mess, but using your hands to add drama to what you are saying will help attract auditory-visual learners. Making large gestures can add depth to a story and will make you a memorable storyteller. Leaning into your audience and getting attention by subtle forearm touches will get people's attention as well.  Timing is key with touching other people. You do not want to startle or interrupt, so try your best to find the perfect time to touch someone's forearm to direct the attention your way. Then be ready to say something dazzling! "Wonderful weather we're having," will not cut it. But, saying something like "It's a good thing it's not a few degrees colder, I would have shocked you. I wonder why that is?" Now you've got a pretty good conversation started.

Confidence is the foundation. Build upon it by being int he right environment, with courage, bright colors, insightfulness, and visual or tactile accompaniment.  Enjoy your life! Don't let it just pass you by!

Monthly "Ponderable" Thought:

Mobile phone problems: You can't slam the phone down when you're mad or pick it up to make sure it's working anymore when you're waiting on "him" or "her" to call.  There needs to be an app that makes the slamming phone sound when you hang up. Or how about a dial tone app so you know your phone is working when you're waiting for "him" or "her" to call, constantly checking service bars!

But until those are invented, what do we need to satisfy that waiting for the call angst or that angry I want to slam the phone and the end button just won't do frustration?

Better yet, put the phone down and do something. They'll call. They always do...right when you're in the midst of living life. Live!  Oh, and still like the slamming app idea.

Relationship Reality Bites: Rejection

No one wants to be rejected, but it happens all the time. You're trying to change lanes, so you turn on your signal and check your blind spot. There would be enough space for you to slide over, but the car speeds past you leaving you feeling...rejected.  You apply to a job that you are more than qualified for and you even get called in for an interview, but one day you get a letter in the mail that starts with "We regret to inform you...."  You've just been....rejected.  You express your feelings for a guy that you've been dating and the below scenario ensues...

I have come to tell you that you CANNOT let the pain of rejection paralyze you. You must dust yourself off and walk into your destiny. You will eventually change lanes and get to where you headed. You will get a new job that is even better that the one that played with your emotions. And as it pertains to relationships, remember that there are millions of people out there. There just has to be someone out there for you. You can let it happen serendipitously or you can get some algorithms working for you. Check out the TED Talk video by Amy Webb and you'll see what I mean!

It's Time to "Fall" in Love!

It is amazingly easy to meet new people in the summer. Everyone is traveling, and you can strike up conversation with complete strangers on a plane or in an out-of-town restaurant. But, now that fall is in full swing, the usual routine is solidified once again...or is it? If you are looking to find a sweetie in time for winter snuggling, this is the definitive list just for you.

1. Sports Bars - Have you heard that it is football season? On any given Thursday, Saturday or Sunday, sports bars and grills are filled with men. Take your pick! If you are not an avid football fan, you must know at least a little about the game.  You don't want to be conspicuously clueless, but be willing to learn. This will be a definite ego booster for a man who can be your personal instructor.  If you are genuinely into football, even better. Wear you team's colors proudly and be ready for some cute trash talk.  Don't be too much like one of the guys, but balance your love of the sport with you love of being feminine.  You can do it!

2. Harvest Festivals (Any festivals come to think of it!) - Fall brings all types of festivals, and with the weather becoming more crisp, bad hair days are gone.  Most festivals will bring out the family set, so be meticulous about which ones you chose to find a cutie to flirt with.  Anything with face painting may not be your festival of choice.  "Oktoberfests" and music festivals will usually draw a more mature crowd.  And, never pass up a wine tasting! If you can find a cognac tasting in your area, you will hit pay dirt! 

3. Lunch Break - Now that everyone is back from vacations, you can do a tour of area restaurants during your lunch break.  Pick one or two eateries to try each week with coworkers or solo.  You are guaranteed to meet someone new in no time.

4. Homecoming - Yes, you should attend your homecoming. No, you do not have to lose 100 pounds in two months. Maybe, just maybe, you'll either rekindle an old friendship or meet someone new.

5. Coffee Shops - New flavors, new treats, who knows who you'll meet!  Pumpkin, nutmeg, cinnamon, and all things yummy pop up in coffee shops. You're not the only one who will stop in to get limited time fare. That special someone may just have a taste for a latte the morning you pop in after reading this list.

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6. Amusement Parks - If you are not the faint at heart, you should try amusement park Halloween transformations.  You’ll be running for your life from chainsaw wielding mad men! You’ll need someone to save you, so keep a lookout for single fellows to the rescue.  The thrill of it all will help you bond with your new acquaintance.  

7. Volunteer - The fall brings about opportunities to pack food trucks, sort canned goods from food drives, and other altruistic endeavors leading up to the holidays.  Strong arms and caring hearts of available men will be involved. You can help feed the hungry while satisfying your own man hunger!

There are many more places to go and meet new people, but these seven will be a good start.  The key is to stay on the move. Don't slump back in the house because the days are getting shorter and colder.  Take advantage of the events and activities unique to this time of year.  By this winter, you'll be cozied up by the fire with your new sweetie thinking about how wonderful a fall you had. Will you plan a summer wedding?

Eyesight

This month has been a whirlwind! So much has and hasn't happened. But, I just read a tribute to a wonderful woman of God who had to battle an illness which eventually transitioned her from this life to the next. I usually shy away from reading such things in the morning or at all, but because I'm feeling rather vulnerable today, I bit. I read about her life and how she met her husband. I read about her commitment to serving God and man. I read about her family, but it was the words of her husband that touched my heart and brought on the tears. He praised her for braving the illness with a renewed faith in God. The fact that she was ill did not change her spirit to serve. She impacted the lives of anyone she came into contact with while she should have been the one receiving the encouragement. Whenever I read how a husband praises his wife, I immediately recall Proverbs 31:28 .  Then that sinking feeling comes upon me. I wonder if I'm living an impactful life. Then my heart longs for the day that my "husband' will speak praise filled words of me for living a life well done. I don't even have a husband yet. Woe is me.  "Stop!" I tell myself, "you are looking at life with your own eyes." I must learn from the tribute about this wonderful woman of God. I must look at people and life with Jesus' eyes. So I challenge you to check your eyesight today. Are you using your eyes to judge people and situations, or are you using Jesus' gracious and loving eyes to perceive the world? I'm dedicating myself to doing the latter.

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Overcoming a Breakup

I almost forgot that I had this resource available for those who are experiencing the heartache of a breakup.
It's free and has been a help to me and countless others. Get your fresh start by reading my book Overcoming a Breakup Spiritually!

Salty Wounds

I’m trying my hand at developing a strip, comic and otherwise. The saga continues with Miss Tree. She had to be reminded of her lack of a giraffe by none other than Momma Tree.   Momma Tree means no harm, but salt is poured into the wounds nonetheless.   Miss Tree is resilient.  As this story will hopefully play out, she will learn that if she accepts the wrong giraffe, she will not have any leaves left for the giraffe prepared especially for her.  At least that is what she reminds herself as she waits patiently with her branches swaying in the breeze.

In other news, the editing of my book has hit a small snag: I don’t have any time! I’m about five chapters in and have about 18 more to go. I must say that the story line is consistent, and I have not run into any major contradictions.  My character web looks like a mangled mess, but the character relationships overlap nicely, and my main characters are clearly defined as well as discernible.  I just want to make sure that there is adequate rise and fall throughout the book which has become the most time consuming part of my editing process. I may be second guessing my initial choices too much, but only time will tell. 

Another hurdle in completing the editing of my manuscript is the fact that as I read along, I have a mental flood of concepts for my next books.  I know what I would like the characters to accomplish and experience next in their lives.   I usually have to stop and take notes as the ideas break through into my consciousness.  On top of the inspiration I get from the manuscript, I have daily occurrences that just need to be shared…through my characters of course.  I find that one never can expect what will happen in this life.  The human experience is one that is learned while it is lived.  I learned something very new today or maybe it is old, but repackaged either because of time or because of my own level of maturity. I just heard on a prayer call (http://www.theprayercall.org/) yesterday that at times, we pray for things in faith and when we look around,  it looks as if the direct opposite occurs. So, I learned today that no matter how antithetical a situation may become, God’s hand will either fix what’s broken or give a completely different model. Not profound in the least, but exactly what I need to hold fast to in order to get the salt out of my wounds, whether the salt was poured by loved ones or ones that I had hoped to love.  

TMI

Be careful when you pose a question. You may just get an answer you were not expecting. I found myself regretting asking a question yesterday because the answer, albeit raw and uncut, singed my eyebrows off. All I could do was laugh. The gentleman thought I was laughing at his detailed answer, yet the truth was that I was laughing at the fact that he felt comfortable enough to disclose such personal and embarrassing information about himself to me. 

Without going into particulars, let’s use some analogies, shall we?  Let’s pretend that a tree asks a depressed giraffe why he’s so depressed. 

And, this down in the dumps giraffe responds “My old feeding tree hurt my feelings. That tree was perfect. She was beautiful, quite tasty, and had a lot going for her, but because I put her on a pedestal I lost my own self-worth and instead of her nourishing me, I fed her with my kindness.”  

Miss Tree, seeing a wonderful giraffe before her, pondered ways to encourage him to try to eat again.  She continued, “well, I have tasty leaves and I’d like to explore my being your new feeding tree.” 

Mr. Giraffe lifted up his eyes on his hung down head to look up at Miss Tree. “Why me?” he asked surprised that Miss Tree would want to give him a chance.

Miss Tree was not expecting that response, but obliged and said, “Mr. Giraffe, you appear to be a perfectly wonderful giraffe, and I know that I have sweet leaves that will nourish you. Why not you?”  Mr. Giraffe dropped his eyes again. Miss Tree grew concerned about what that other tree had done to break the spirit of this seemingly perfectly normal giraffe.  She hesitated to ask, but curiosity overtook her, “What did that other tree do to you?” she asked disgusted at Mr. Giraffe’s state.

The flood gates opened and Mr. Giraffe rattled off his very personal story, detailing the mistreatment and agony cause by that retched old tree.  At that moment, Miss Tree regretted asking the question.  Why hadn’t she just let the giraffe deal with his issues on his own. Now she knew the details of the past which clouded her future a bit.

When too much information comes your way, what should you do?  Hopefully, you’ll handle it better than I did. Should I be flattered that there was enough comfort and trust present for him to open up to me?  Should I be alarmed about his willingness to tell me everything? I understand transparency, but are you being transparent for the sake of transparency or are you trying to talk me out of...ahem…being your new feeding tree?  I was quick to inform this gentleman that I will be using this encounter in a future book. I told him that I could see how the scene would play out with the varying perspectives present:  how the “old tree” had moved on not even thinking about "Mr. Giraffe," while he was talking to the "Miss Tree" about her and her foolish ways.

A self-portrait taken serendipitously. Photo: Amanda Gia 2014

My next book is taking shape before my last book’s editing is even complete.  I must tap into my creative energies while they are overflowing! Take a look at the photograph above.  My creativity is on autopilot and just using me as a conduit for expression. So, I guess he did me a huge favor by divulging too much information. Life’s experiences are going to prove profitable to me very soon. I have become very adroit at creatively utilizing the experiences that used to drive me crazy. If these things are going to happen to me, I guess I’ll just have to put them to good use.